28!

Today is Karen’s and my 28th wedding anniversary.  Just under three months ago, I wrote about our son getting married and my parents celebrating their 60th.  But we cannot jump in a DeLorean and suddenly be at 60, nor would we want to.  Our time machine travels at 60 seconds per minute, and sometimes that seems too fast!  

I read once that when we die, God will ask “What did you learn?” and “How did you love?”  What have I learned from my wife?  The English word “love” is confusing.  The Greek words for love are much more illuminating.

Eros.  Physical love.  Yes, this is important for a marriage.  I do not think I could make it a lifetime with someone I do not find attractive.  I always thought it trite when someone would say they find their wife even more attractive after so many years, a white lie even.  Now we are 28 years in, not counting the years we dated, and I have discovered this is not trite and it is not a white lie.  Without this, I am not sure I would still be pursuing Karen, looking for ways to show her how much I love her.  Little things, like making her coffee, taking the garbage out, cleaning up after meals, keeping my stuff neat (a work in progress for sure). Trying to find her presents that she actually wants.  

Philios.  Friendship.  Another crucial part of making a marriage work.  I have been surprised at how Karen (and our kids) have influenced how I spend my time over the years.  Before we got married, and for many years after, I would have described myself as a sports fanatic.  Perhaps others might still say that, but I can honestly say that I now spend a fraction of the time watching and reading and thinking about sports as I used to.  And more surprising, I am much happier now!  Although, given my favorite teams are the Mets and Giants, you might not wonder at that. 🙂 I love going for hikes with her, especially at Lake George, but anywhere we might share some of God’s beautiful creation together.  A sunset, a loon swimming, a wide view of the endless ocean waves.  I love her sense of humor and how she rolls her eyes at my terrible puns and the jokes I’ve been repeating for decades.  And I love sharing our faith together, learning from her generous spirit and accepting heart how to overcome my dogmatic theology and meet people where they are.

Agape.  Godly love.  Sacrificial love.  I believe Ephesians 5:25 is the essence of what it means to be a husband.  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”.  Biblical marriage, according to Paul, is two parts.  The husband is the head of the household - someone has to have the final say, or most partnerships will not endure.  And I exercise my authority, not in some grand sacrifice, but in the daily battles.  In holding my eyes only for her and in keeping them from anyone else.  In weathering the storms when she finds the world a hurricane.  And giving her a safe harbor in my arms and in my heart.  Storms can come in many forms and sometimes a sudden squall besets us.  I hope she would say that I am causing fewer and fewer these days.  

Ken Follett once wrote that the best part of being married is having someone on your side, no matter what.  Karen, I am blessed to be on your side and by your side until we see the other side.  Love you, Bean.