Saved!

Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

I tend to disagree with the notion that we can know for certain we are Saved.  When I read about the Sheep and the Goats in Matthew 25, or the above verses, it scares the Hell out of me.  And since "Fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom", I do not hold that as a bad thing.  I know I can rely on the character of God to be merciful and to give me his Grace.  I keep going back to those passages, and to CS Lewis:  "Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind."  I am very aware that Pride may be my most egregious sin (unless it's wrath, lust or laziness).  

Elsewhere, Lewis wrote: "That raises a terrible question. How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with Pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious? I am afraid it means they are worshiping an imaginary God. They theoretically admit themselves to be nothing in the presence of this phantom God, but are really all the time imagining how He approves of them and thinks them far better than ordinary people: that is, they pay a pennyworth of imaginary humility to Him and get out of it a pound's worth of Pride towards their fellow-men."  This is me all over.  Even in writing this.  If you know me, you may think I am a nice guy.  But I know I get so sure that I am right that I come across as arrogant.  

Years ago, I was visiting Karen at UConn and we stopped in to see some friends.  The topic of smoking came up and I said, “I hate smokers.”  After we left the room, Karen gently told me that everyone in that room was a smoker.  Ironically, I didn’t even mean what I said.  I did not and do not hate smokers.  I hate when smokers get in my face with their smoke.  Now, you may say that I am right, smoking is bad.  And smokers should be aware of how their smoke affects others.  But that does not make what I said any less offensive.  The funny thing is, Karen has no recollection of this event, but it is burned in my memory.

Lewis goes on:  "Luckily, we have a test. Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good—above all, that we are better than someone else—I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether."  And, “It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence.”  This is yet another of the many paradoxes of Faith that I have found.  Would the opposite hold true?  That when we are sure of our salvation, we are far from it, or at least, in danger of straying from the Narrow Path?  

Logically, I guess I do agree that we can trust in God's word and His Mercy and Grace.  But practically, I personally find it dangerous to dwell for very long on the notion that He has already forgiven me.  I am too prone to pride and self-assurance, too prone to wander.  I do not say this to appear humble, but as a statement of fact.  It is what I know to be True about myself.